I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
