Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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