last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Quick, to the slutcave!
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize