just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
