Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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