maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
