You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
organizing the empties. That sober.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
