i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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