Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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