Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
