Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
