Are we in a gay sports bar?
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
