Apparently you make a good broom.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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