I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
