Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
