He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Randomize
