I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
