I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
She said her name was "party"
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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