i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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