I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
