so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Randomize
