you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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