I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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