I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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