dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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