He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Randomize
