Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
