True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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