those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
