You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
