she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize