And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
