Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
