I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
