Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
