I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
