i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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