I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
