I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize