I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
