He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
