yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
