is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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