They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
