Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
