This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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