Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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