i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
