2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
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