Yo dont text me then not text me
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize