youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
