I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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