Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
