I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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