Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
