Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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