Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
