hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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