you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Are my feet made of real feet?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
