I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize
