She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
