Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Randomize
