My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
