You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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