Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
