It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
