i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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