I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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