you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
