mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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