he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
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