I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize