he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
