I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
He's on the porch naked. Help.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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