i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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