theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
