No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
We have started to decorate penises.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize