1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
