omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
