If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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